If You Have To Tell People You’re Nice, You Probably Aren’t…

I’m always very wary of people who feel the need to declare their positive personality traits, particularly in a dating scenario. A guy who proclaims to be a gentleman, or a nice guy, or a hopeless romantic, in my experience, very rarely is.

The truth is, people who are genuinely decent and kind-hearted don’t have to put on a show to exhibit their awesomeness, we know them to be so from their behaviour.

And someone who only exhibits “nice guy tendencies” as a way of impressing women, is far from genuine. Real kindness isn’t something that you switch on/off depending on whose company you’re in.

Proclaiming it doesn’t prove it. If I’m hearing about your supposed niceness more than I’m actually seeing it, then you get an A for charisma but an F for effort, because your words aren’t translating into anything meaningful.

Basically, if he calls himself a “nice guy” but always finds a way to turn everything you say back into a conversation about himself, or if he’s forever caught up in whatever is going on in his own life to ask about your day, or if he makes douche-bag comments followed by “I’m only joking!”, or if he claims to have strong feelings for you but is never there when you actually need him, then it’s highly likely that all of his “niceness” is a disguise for a deeply self-absorbed nature.

My advice: RUN!

22 replies

  1. Visiting your blog after long time. I liked it and agree with you. I am assuming it’s not gender biased and you are just expressing your thoughts. I also don’t like it when people show off to impress other people. Also, it takes time to know people for who they are. I guess time is the key and if you spend enough time, you get your answers. Sorry I forgot your name. Have a nice time.

    • 100% Pratik, definitely not intending this to be an anti-male post, I’m just writing about my own experiences. Time is key you’re right, the more you’re around someone, the more you learn about their character. Personality isn’t something that should be spelled out. Thanks for stopping by 🙂

  2. My idea of dating protocol is?
    When I get to the point that I have a date I’ll ask your advice!

    And I hate niceness on its own, I like to know someone is imperfect and flawed (like me, but not as much or we’ll both end up on a mental ward or in A&E by the end of the verbal exchange) because to know someone’s dark side gives you a better idea of thier character and lets you see what you have to deal with in the bad moments
    Only the slight fact that saying that on a dating profile or asking a women ‘i want to see you in an ugly mood’ is more likely to send them jumping out the nearest window!

    Then again, dying alone does mean I won’t have to go on bad dates with the female equivalent of who you are describing

    Now I’ll just open the window for you and any other female reading this and make sure my insurance company can cover the cost of another ‘incident’
    Please pick a ground floor window to jump out of as it incurs less cost and explanation!!

  3. Omg totally agree. I know a number of men who keep calling themselves “nice guys” and then moaning about not getting enough female attention. If you have to constantly shout from the rooftops about how ‘nice’ you are, chances are you’re probably not as nice as you think…

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