There’s a fine line between upholding traditions out of respect and refusing to modernise due to close mindedness. Essentially, I think that most people fall under one of two camps: forward thinkers and backwards thinkers.
Backwards thinkers consult the past and rely heavily on what has already happened in order to formulate their future. It worked back then, it can work now, why reinvent the wheel- type mentality. Whereas forward thinkers possess a more idealised version of life. They aim to make their own traditions and are more concerned with breaking the mould and creating a new one, as opposed to fitting into the existing one.
When it comes to me personally, I have immense respect for my elders and their way of doing things, but I also acknowledge that times were very different back then and what worked then, will not necessarily work now. And so overall I’d classify myself as more of a forward thinker, particularly when it comes to the topic of a husband-wife relationship.
I don’t think that when a man and woman are both working full-time, that a woman should be expected to cook, clean and look after kids any more than her husband should. I’m not saying that I’d refuse to do any of the above things, I’d do anything for the person I love (that goes without saying), but I could never be with a guy who flat out refuses to wash the dishes or iron his own shirts because it’s a ‘woman’s job’. Equally, I wouldn’t want him to assume that I would never cut the grass or wash the car because they’re supposedly ‘men’s jobs’. The whole mentality that men and women have set duties which can never overlap is ridiculous to me, can’t we both give everything a go and see what works best for us? My dad trumps my mum hands down when it comes to making Indian cha and masala chicken, so to me that means that anything is possible!
Similarly, I don’t think that all financial responsibilities should be placed on the husband’s shoulders, that’s not fair, we live in an expensive world and I would always want to do my bit.
Moreover, I don’t believe that the man should always have the final say just because he’s the man, you should be able to discuss things with your partner and come to a decision that you’re both happy with, if you can’t, then both parties should be willing to compromise. As women, we are always so quick to bend over backwards to please everyone around us and that’s an amazing quality to have, we’re natural born nurturers and know how to keep a family together, but at the same time, we shouldn’t forget that compromising isn’t exclusive to us, men can practice it too.
The bottom line is that there needs to be an unwavering mutual respect for what the other person does and how they contribute. So, does it really make me a raging feminist to expect a guy to see me as his equal, as his life partner, rather than just his side kick?