Soul-Mate?

Posted on by **Small Town Girl**

Do you believe that there’s one person on this planet who was made for you and vice versa? That we all have one special person who we’re destined to be with forever and ever?

I’m not so sure if I do.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe that soul-mates exist (growing up watching Bollywood movies has made it impossible to believe otherwise), but please note my use of the plural form as opposed to the singular…I’ll explain in a minute!

The way I see it, we exist within a population of over seven billion people, so where is the rationale and probability behind this Disney-esque theory that we were all created in pairs like the animals on Noah’s ark? If it were actually true, the human race as we know it would cease to exist. And why’s that you ask? Well because unless we made the decision to ‘settle’, we’d all be so busy frantically crossing oceans and seas trying to find ‘the one’ in order to avoid a life of miserable solitude, that we’d have no time to stop, smell the roses and procreate! Life would just be a never-ending, stress-filled, man-hunt which you may or may not be lucky enough to complete and take away the prize for! Ok maybe I’m taking things a bit too literally but I’m just not convinced.

Of course there have been times when I’ve met a couple and thought wow, you two mesh together so well, I can’t imagine you being with anyone else, you’re just so easy and natural together, you get each other’s quirks like no one else could. But does that mean that there’s absolutely NO way that they could find the same or perhaps an even better bond with someone else if their situation changed for whatever reason? Does it mean that we all have a special someone out there who’s tailor-made to fit ONLY with us? That we’re all owed that right by society? By the world? I think that for some people it’s comforting to believe in such an ideology, it’s a romanticized way of viewing life that can instill hope in us. But on the flipside, it’s also quite dangerous to subscribe to such a way of thinking and it can lead to some seriously depressing thoughts…

Because what if you’ve already met your soul-mate but life happened and you were forced to go your separate ways? Or what if they settled for someone else before they even had the chance to meet you? And then there’s the whole messy scenario of meeting after you’ve both settled down and started families with people you initially thought were your soul-mates … what then? Game over? It’s sad to think that you’ve lost your one and only shot at true happiness and love, because as the rules go you’re only entitled to one person. So basically you’re screwed and set to live a life of lonely nothingness!

I mean by this wave of thinking, hypothetically speaking, if my one true soul-mate got hit by two buses last week in Tokyo, plunging him six feet under (before I’d even had the chance to meet him) does that automatically mean that it’s the end of the road for me too? Unbeknownst to little old me, sitting in my small town twiddling my thumbs, did my one shot expire already? No, it shouldn’t because that’s not fair, I demand alternative options dammit! He’s the one who didn’t bother to look both ways before crossing the road, why should I be punished?! I think that’s why I can’t fully buy into the concept of each of us having just one soul-mate out there, the notion is far too condemning for me to accept.

I personally believe in the idea of multiple soul-mates (maybe a handful or so for each of us) and that if you’re fortunate enough to meet even just one of those special people in your lifetime you’re extremely lucky, because of course they’re very rare finds.

I also believe that different types of soul-mates exist, not just romantic ones but platonic ones too, who can come into our lives in a variety of forms, as friends, brothers, sisters, cousins, parents…anyone!

Anyone who you share an effortless yet undeniably strong connection with that you feel in your gut, anyone whose presence makes you feel safe and at ease wherever you are, anyone who you feel an inexplicable, magnetic pull towards, anyone who fits that criteria is a soul-mate in my eyes. Such bonds are rare to come across as we all know, so when they do come along I think it’s safe to say that you’ve stumbled upon a soul-mate… well by my way of thinking any way. 😀

91 thoughts on “Soul-Mate?”

  3. I really enjoyed reading this post! I think I mostly agree with everything you’d said.
    I used to believe in the one soul-mate, until I broke up with the person who I had believed was my soul-mate … lol … now perhaps I am simply more cynical? Whatever the reason, now I’m less obsessed about finding my soul mate than actually loving people properly. I don’t know if it’s just me but back in the day, I used to think there would be some sort of magic with a soul-mate – like, it’s destiny. And I think I probably expected this magic to fix the problems, and perhaps I just didn’t invest as much in the Relationship because I was relying too much on the soul-mate belief which in the end wasn’t true? That’s my theory anyway.
    Now I think anyone can be a soul-mate if we really want them to be one. I do think there are certain people with whom we connect more easily and faster, and with whom there lies a real potential for a greater depth of connection, but I think if we consciously make the effort to know someone really well, and appreciate them for who they are, surely they can become soul-mates, too! 🙂

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  4. Yeh. I couldn’t agree more. You’ve basically written this from my version of events..
    A soul-mate is whatever you make it to be in a way. If you find ‘the one’ and you both so deeply believe it, that’s great. But what if tragedy happens and they’re taken from you. Is your belief now that you will never find anyone else again? I think that’s a bit immature to be honest. I’ve met people that understand me on an extraordinary level and not been with them at all because we both didn’t feel that other connection. Throughout your life you will meet so many people and so many will be wonderful, how can you possible say for sure that one (as you so rightly put) out of 7 billion is the one for you. Put another way; 1/7,000,000,000. Probability scoffs at the thought of that. It’s not fair to deny love based on mathematics at all though. As younger people I’m sure we’ve all thought we’ve found the one, a select few people stay with their first love. However, the vast majority don’t and then go on to find someone (hopefully) that they then actually think ‘No, you’re the one for me’. But who’s to say how many times this could happen? I’m not saying run away with whoever and hope for the best or that whoever you meet might not be the one. The one is as you so rightly put, that person who makes you feel safe, loved, happy in all eventualities, and no matter where you go you want them by your side. That’s a soul-mate.

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    1. I 100% agree with you, the probability of having just one soul-mate our there is HIGHLY unlikely. And yes, say that you did meet your soul-mate but they died, what then? Are you doomed to live a miserable life of solitude with nothing but memories to comfort you? And what if such a situation happens when you’re still in your prime? It’s a cruel ideology and comes with far too many limitations. However if you believe in the idea of multiple soul-mates at least you still have hope. Thanks for stopping by 🙂

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  6. A soul-type might be more accurate. Which would explain how you can love more than one person and be conflicted. I agree that the whole idea of fusing souls is a little much. I enjoy a bit of autonomy.

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  8. Agree with all your points.

    Indeed we can be happy with someone who is not our soul mate but there would always be a sense of something missing..

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  9. I think to great extent we create our own “luck” in life, and that applies to soul mates. While there may be a chemistry that must be struck between lovers, we in good part choose our own fate with regards to who we love as a soul-mate. Even the term “soul mate” sounds like a fantasy to me. I think we are rather “Help Mates” to others along the path of life, and when chemistry exists between us, we want to help one another even more.

    Great topic! Thanks!

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  11. I believe in soul mates. Many, in-fact. I was married to one, she passed away. I am friends with another. I dated one back in high school and we remain relatively good friends to this day. And I hope to find another I would want to be romantically involved with at some point.

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  13. Honestly, sometimes I think having that one soulmate who you spend forever with is over-rated 😁. But I do believe, we meet multiple ones on our journey, if we’re fortunate enough, the timing is right and forever might just seem like a possibility.

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  14. I think think that for some people the concept of “soul mate” doesn’t apply. I believe that some of us are just built to function best alone, and that’s okay.

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  15. I fall into the camp of believing there is ‘the one.’ I have been skeptical at times, but my wishful thinking side seems to overrule in this scenario. This post has reminded me of the Anne Hathaway film, ‘One day.’ I really do think, if two people are meant to be together they will be together, even if circumstances pull them away at points in their life 🙂 In a nutshell I am a soppy romantic who might be looking at things through rose coloured glasses!

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    1. Ah I loved that book, except for the ending! Kind of sucks that she was his soul-mate but got snatched away so quickly. Makes me sad to think that he’d have to live the rest of his life alone 😦

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      1. I know, I shed a tear at the end 😦 all throughout I was just like goddamn you two, just get together lol

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  16. I believe that life is far too complex and far spread for one soul mate to exist. I have been told I am someone’s, but they were not mine. So that is another issue. I believe that there are life partners in the sense that I have two friends I cannot imagine losing ties with. But they are not my soulmates. They are best friends of 30 years. I have had and do have powerful friends for the moment in time, weeks to years, but they too are not soul mates.

    I believe that love comes in many forms and the compliment of ones soul takes the bearing of your own. If we cannot do that or scared to, then I feel we are unlikely to find a perfect or close to perfect compliment to ours. We are social beings and it is an extroverted world. So we need others to be healthy and happy usually. But to find a person that is the lifelong compliment to ours that seems from the outside to be so easy, I think is very rare.

    I am lucky enough that I have seen it twice. Both in my family. Neither in my parents or sister unfortunately for them but I know it happens. Maybe it is a less common thing as time goes on or maybe the birth of the tech age disrupted it. I know I have not found mine and not for lack of trying. As I get older I am less interested in the effort. But maybe that will be how she walks into my life. I don’t know. I believe in love in many forms. I believe in balance. But what I seek is grace.

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    1. I absolutely agree with you, we do live in a very complex and extroverted world and the probability of having one soul-mate out there is slim-to-none in my eyes too! That being said, like you, I’ve also come across instances when I’ve seen two people together who seem to be perfect soul-mates. But whether that means that we’re all entitled to find that…I have no idea! It would be nice to believe so, but like I said, I think that it’s better to believe that we have multiple shots rather than just one!

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      1. Agreed. My grandparents were perfect. they even looked perfect for one another as they aged. She knew form the first time she saw him she would marry him. My parents? not so much. But that doesn’t mean they are doomed to forever walk the earth un-mated. Unless they choose to. I’m a huge believer in free will. As you can see from my postings.

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  18. I once was a strong soul-mate believer, as upbringing and society strongly instill the notion (see bollywood movies). As I got older, experience taught me, that soul-maticissm can be developed. Of course there needs to be some ignition, the liking at first sight. Or respect growing while watching people work or act. But if one applies tolerance and understanding of how life treated another human being, almost anyone can become a soul-mate, if both parties allow this to happen. Otherwise, all the good arguments you wrote about, would be valid. And just think about earlier times, without travelling opportunities available to most. People just met a handful of co-humans each, what chances were there for them? Illogical, really, if one thinks about it…

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    1. True, the more time that you spend with one person, the more likely they may seem to develop into a ‘soul-mate- of some sorts, even if initially you may not have thought so. Interesting take on the subject, thanks for your comment 😀

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  19. there are a lot of guys around… you may love more than once… But there is one guy who was made for you… incase we don’t find him. there are a lot of next to best soul mates. lol

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  20. Yes, I believe we have multiple soul-mates and not all of them are romantic; some are our best friends, etc., the people who truly “get” us. When I married my 1st husband, we meshed together beautifully, but as life moved on, not so much. When we separated and I told my daughter (who was at college), after stating, “I wondered what took so long…” she then made the very wise statement of her belief that most relationships have an expiration date, but sometimes, one partner dies before that date is reached. And her dad and I had reached that expiration date. I’ve been lucky enough to find a man who truly does “get” me, at least at this stage of my life. We chuckle over what might have happened had we met earlier in life – we’d never choose each other back in the day! So I suppose one who is a soul-mate now, might not have been earlier in life. Great piece! Thought-provoking.

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  23. Thanks for following and the first post i read is this one. It has made me fall in love with the blog already. I will continue to read on… I used to believe in soulmates or at least the idea of them, however.

    “Anyone who you share an effortless yet undeniably strong connection with that you feel in your gut, anyone whose presence makes you feel safe and at ease wherever you are, anyone who you feel an inexplicable, magnetic pull towards, anyone who fits that criteria is a soul-mate in my eyes. Such bonds are rare to come across as we all know, so when they do come along I think it’s safe to say that you’ve stumbled upon a soul-mate…”

    I think only up until the moment you lose them they are a friend, If you still feel that connection although they are gone in whatever respect. Only then are they your soul mate

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  26. I was very skeptic about soulmate ever since I knew the term (I think it was early in high school). I would’ve just preferred not having a soulmate to having just one. That idea is somehow ridiculous for me.

    I was in college when I read Paulo Coelho’s Brida. And that changed everything for me (well, more of arranged the silly and messy thoughts about soulmates in my head). This is the kind of soulmate concept that I can agree with.

    Nice post, interesting topic to talk about over coffee 🙂

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    1. Glad you enjoyed the post, it’s definitely one of those subjects that you can really sink your teeth into. And there are so many different perspectives, you could talk about it for days on end! 😀

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  29. I don’t really believe in soul mates because what would the definition even be?! Like you could think you’d met your soulmate because they’re similar to you but then you end up in a disaster! I think there is a type of personality that gels best with yours though and a lot of people could have that and it’s then about the additional extras which make them more than a friend! (looks, chemistry). Such an interesting topic, love it!

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    1. It definitely is a very deep and interesting topic! My personal view is that a soul-mate is someone who isn’t necessarily ‘similar’ to you, but someone who’s personality gels extremely well with yours, to the point where you just seem to fit together like a lock and key…Bringing out the best in one another. But of course it’s all entirely up for interpretation! 🙂

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  31. I guess, I kind of see it how Alanis Morisette wrote about it…
    “It’s like meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife.”
    Sometimes we are thwarted by timing–and despite the ability to find people again through social media, the connection might be forever lost.

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    1. True, I’m a strong believer in timing too, sometimes a connection can be lost just because somebody came in to your life and the wrong time and vice versa. Thanks for your comment Anthony, I appreciate it 🙂

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  34. Wonderful post… I am completely agree with this post. True soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A soul mate is a spirit who helps you growing and developing. It can be a family member or a friend. When they meet they miraculously recognize each other immediately. It seems that love came unexpected but it has only been waiting for the right moment. Those two souls are able to feel the other person although they might be thousands of miles apart. It is a connection that did not have to become but has always been….

    Nice post 🙂 🙂

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  35. I like your way of thinking, and have to agree there really.
    The reality that there is only one match for you out there is a little far fetched.
    That said I do believe you can have an amazing connection with someone on so many levels, and form an unbreaking bond. With maybe a handful of people at most. I don’t think anyone has enough mental energy for any more than that anyway.
    Love the way the piece is written.

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  36. I love the fact that you talked about platonic soul mates!
    I feel like my parents and some of my friends are my soul mates. They know me, know how irritating I can get and still love me enough to put up with me! That’s soul mates, right there!
    And btw, thanks a lot for visiting my blog! 🙂

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    2. Lol you’re so right, I definitely see my eldest sister as one of my soul-mates, she puts up with all of my annoying habits and traits without any fuss whatsoever! Glad you liked the post 🙂

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  37. Beautiful piece.. Really interesting read.. As for me: I really believe in a soul-mate.. Not here but I would love to post a different perspective.. Fascinates me..

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    1. It is a really fascinating topic. Just by reading the comments that people have left you can see how many different perspectives are held on the subject, it’s amazing! Thanks for stopping by Paully 😀

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  38. Nice post. I think the actual concept ‘soul-mate’ means the ‘final destination mate.’ So if you break up with a thousand people it doesn’t matter. A soul mate must come into your life sometime but must not be all you wish–this is where destiny plays its part.

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  39. I really like your post and the way you express your ideas. I think that someone out there likes me or is destined to be with me in the future, but I wouldn’t call him ,,soul-mate”, just someone who will stand by my side in the future.
    Also, I’ve recently started blogging and I was wondering if you would give it a go. I would really like to know other peolple’s opinions and maybe even ideas of what they want me to write about next.
    https://teenagerdaysblog.wordpress.com/2015/11/28/reading/

    Reply

    1. Hi Deeioana, I’ve just checked out your post Reading and I have to say that I love your style of writing, it flows well and is easy to read…keep up the good work 😀 In terms of what you should write, write whatever is on your mind/in your head/heart, try not to force it too much. The best posts are the ones that we don’t plan too much, the ones that just come out of us 🙂 I look forward to reading more of your posts!

      Reply

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