Why is it always me?
How do I always manage to get myself into the most bizarre situations?
Ok, enough with the rhetorical questions, let me explain myself by using today as an example. So a few hours ago I was happily sitting on the train, on my way to meet a friend after work. I was minding my own business, headphones in and music blasting as usual, when a guy jumped onto the seat next to me.
Nothing strange about that, it’s a free country: people can sit wherever they like on public transport vehicles.
A little while later I could’ve sworn that he’d tapped me on the shoulder and so I removed one of my headphones and looked up at him. But he appeared to be fully engrossed in playing a game of Candy Crush on his phone. Ah well, maybe I just imagined it. Not particularly fazed by this I was turning back towards the window when in the reflection I caught a glimpse of the strangest scene. Behind my back, the Candy Crush guy had scooted over in his seat and appeared to have his nose buried in my hair!
Yeah sure, everyone loves the aroma of a Herbal Essences washed head, but seriously who does that?!
Whipping my head around in a sharp 180 degree turn I gave him the most intense look that I could muster and which in my head translated as ‘back away crazy man or I’ll show you what crazy really is!’, holding my bag in a death-grip all the while. But little did I know that the best was yet to come. Because the next thing I knew Candy Crush guy had dropped onto the floor… on one knee, uttering 6 words that made me wish for a black hole to magically appear and swallow me up. “Hey, wanna get married to me?”
I pinched myself, but I wasn’t dreaming. This had to be a wind-up.
Feeling beyond confused and donning what can only be described as an utterly shell-shocked expression, I politely but firmly declined his proposal. I’d also like to mention that by this point my face was bright red, my cheeks burning like hot cakes, because everyone in the carriage had their eyes on me.
He took the rejection pretty well, all things considered, and then generously offered me what looked like a flattened rice krispie cake from his pocket, for being such a ‘sweetheart’ (no I did not touch it). Grinning, he then shook my limp hand before jumping off the train and walking away with an air of nonchalance like the last 5 minutes had never even happened!
And so I repeat, why is it always me?!
Annoyingly, when I later told my friends about my surreal experience, they weren’t even surprised. Typical Sharan, they said. I attract such bizarre scenarios wherever I go I’ve been told by them countless times. And it’s true! I always have a new unbelievable story to tell whenever I speak to anyone. I’m just that person. It’s always just my luck.
And I’d be writing all night if I decided to list all of the ridiculous things that have happened to me over the years. So here are just a few to whet your appetite:
- There was the morning that I was home-alone, went down to sign for a postal delivery and accidentally locked myself in the porch for 6 hours in the middle of Winter. Without my phone, wearing nothing but a vest and shorts, I missed an entire day of work which I had to then register as a sick-day to save myself the embarrassment of explaining to my boss what had really happened!
- Then there was that infamous job interview. The Senior Magazine Editor, a respectable looking man, opted to fire questions at me whilst riding around the meeting room on a miniature skateboard! No, I kid you not. And while that was indeed extremely strange, the icing on the cake had to be his high-fives. Every time I mentioned something about my time at university, this guy would attempt to high-five me. I say ‘attempt’ because he never once managed to actually hit my palm, but it was pretty hilarious watching him try whilst balancing on a skateboard and wearing a three-piece suit and smart pointy shoes!
- And of course there was the moment of silence that I ruined on one Remembrance Day back in school. An assembly of 500 students and teachers all turned their heads to give me the most intense evils that I’ve ever felt, all because I accidentally blasted Britney Spears’ Toxic from my phone on full-volume and couldn’t switch it off for the longest 40 seconds of my life!
- Or the incident when I decided to be helpful for once in my life and do some dusting at home. It’s safe to say that I got a bit carried away and somehow ended up completely shattering the giant rectangular mirror that had covered the living room wall since before I was born! On the upside, I rarely ever get asked to partake in housework anymore.
- And then there was the time that I suffered from a mysterious food allergy causing my top lip to swell up like a balloon just before I had to go take a 3 hour written exam! Sitting there in the examination hall with all of my course-mates eyeballing me, I looked like an unfortunate hybrid of Marge Simpson and Pete Burns!
But oh well, as much as I sometimes curse being the clown, at least there’s never a dull moment with me. And you (and I) absolutely, positively never know what I’m going to do next… 😀
26 thoughts on “I’ll Be Your Clown”
Oh dear, that’s one way to get out of housework! You can meet the strangest people on the train.
I’d have to say that looking back, the mirror-smashing episode was definitely a blessing in disguise lol! Thanks for stopping by 🙂
I’m sorry but I was laughing a bit too much reading this you should write a book
Aww thank you, I’m glad you enjoyed it and I really appreciate your comment 😀
Hahahahaha sorry but this is just too funny I thought i was the only one that always attract weird situations.
You’re definitely not alone Elina, we should start up a group and call ourselves ‘The Clowns’ lol, thanks for stopping by 🙂
That sounds like a pretty good idea to me, haha.
Your blog is great, 😀
What have you done to have God test you this much? Neil Simon had a 1 act play God’s Chosen One that had endless calamity so God could be sure the victim of His attention was right choice.
Hmmm perhaps you’re right, God may indeed have a long-term plan for me, maybe we’re just in the beginning stages of it right now. Either way I’ll be sure to let you know what happens 🙂
I am not alone! The best part about reading other people’s stories 🙂 life is always an adventure.
I 100% agree with you there, it’s great to be able to relate to someone else’s story and apply it to yourself… thanks for your comment 😀
This is the best thing I have read today. I was cringing and laughing at the same time! 🙂
Aww thank you Mimi, I’m glad to have entertained you 🙂
Herbal Essences will do it every time. You collect as many interesting experiences as I do. I think I’ll love reading your blog.
After this experience, I was contemplating switching shampoos but you’re right, you just can’t beat Herbal Essences! Thanks for stopping by Geraint, I hope that you enjoy all of my future posts 😀
I can definitely relate to so much of these! Are we related? Haha. Enjoyed reading this!
Possibly? We’re definitely part of a ‘special’ bunch lol, I’m glad you enjoyed it Katherine 😀
the job interview was so hilarious!.. loved reading ua blog
Thank you, I’m glad you liked it 😀
This is absolutely hilarious! I can only imagine what a day with you is like. Lol!
Thanks Amarie! To sum up what a day with me is like in one word, I’d have to say RANDOM lol… I’m glad you liked the post 🙂
LOL! The story about the strange candy crush guy is hilarious. I don’t think I would have taken it as well as you did but on the bright side, I think it’s an interesting experience as well as all your other listed experiences too. 🙂
It was definitely an interesting experience lol. Thanks for your comment, I’m glad you enjoyed the post 🙂
Hey Small Town Girl, I love your blog, this post is amazingly frank, honest and I love the way you talk about yourself without putting yourself down. Very cool indeed. I nominated you for ‘One Lovely Blog Award’. http://live2laugh4love.wordpress.com/2014/10/27/one-lovely-blog/
Aww thank you so much! I really appreciate you nominating me for a Lovely Blog award… I’ll be sure to check it out asap 🙂