I know I haven’t posted anything in a couple of weeks, so I thought that it was about time for me to take a few minutes to reacquaint myself with my long-lost, dependable buddy WordPress. Now, if you’ve been following me you’ll know that I typically tend to be quite creative, light-hearted and moderately topical with my blog posts because ultimately they’re a reflection of me as a person. However, this weekend was pretty rough, so as much as I’d like to I can’t really stick to my usual themes. And although it feels wrong to write something so negative, it has to be done because I need to somehow get these miserable thoughts out of my system and attempt to move forward instead of dwelling.
I won’t bore you with the details but long story short I was let down by a couple of people; one of whom I consider to be no less than a sibling and the other who I’ve gotten to know reasonably well over the past few months. It’s safe to say that I’ve been hurt by their collective betrayal, simply because I just didn’t see it coming… at all. And I’ve been stuck in a kind of limbo ever since, fluctuating between states of anger, sadness, confusion and disappointment and I just don’t know how to get out and get back to my usual self. I feel like I don’t have the mental capacity or energy to be around people at the moment and I’m saying the bare minimum that I need to in conversation, both at work and at home, and that’s just not me! Usually you’d have to pay me to stop talking!
I also feel like I’m full of questions that have no real answers. For example, is it wrong to blindly assume that certain people in your life will always have your best interests at heart? Is it naive to think that they’ll always defend your corner and be there for you, just because in your own heart you know that you would do absolutely anything for them? Is it too much to expect them to be loyal and honest with you when it really counts? And how exactly can you differentiate between the people who you think you can trust and those who can actually depend on?
I just don’t know. For once I’m all out of wise words and upbeat quotes/sayings. And the phrase ‘blood is thicker than water’ also seems to have lost all meaning to me now. Maybe it doesn’t always have to be a two-way street and I just have overly high expectations of some people in my life, specifically those who I consider to be within my inner circle.
All I really know for certain is that when trust is broken, sorry means nothing.