Broken Trust and Expectations

I know I haven’t posted anything in a couple of weeks, so I thought that it was about time for me to take a few minutes to reacquaint myself with my long-lost, dependable buddy WordPress. Now, if you’ve been following me you’ll know that I typically tend to be quite creative, light-hearted and moderately topical with my blog posts because ultimately they’re a reflection of me as a person. However, this weekend was pretty rough, so as much as I’d like to I can’t really stick to my usual themes. And although it feels wrong to write something so negative, it has to be done because I need to somehow get these miserable thoughts out of my system and attempt to move forward instead of dwelling.

I won’t bore you with the details but long story short I was let down by a couple of people; one of whom I consider to be no less than a sibling and the other who I’ve gotten to know reasonably well over the past few months. It’s safe to say that I’ve been hurt by their collective betrayal, simply because I just didn’t see it coming… at all. And I’ve been stuck in a kind of limbo ever since, fluctuating between states of anger, sadness, confusion and disappointment and I just don’t know how to get out and get back to my usual self. I feel like I don’t have the mental capacity or energy to be around people at the moment and I’m saying the bare minimum that I need to in conversation, both at work and at home, and that’s just not me! Usually you’d have to pay me to stop talking!

I also feel like I’m full of questions that have no real answers. For example, is it wrong to blindly assume that certain people in your life will always have your best interests at heart? Is it naive to think that they’ll always defend your corner and be there for you, just because in your own heart you know that you would do absolutely anything for them? Is it too much to expect them to be loyal and honest with you when it really counts? And how exactly can you differentiate between the people who you think  you can trust and those who can actually  depend on?

I just don’t know. For once I’m all out of wise words and upbeat quotes/sayings. And the phrase ‘blood is thicker than water’ also seems to have lost all meaning to me now. Maybe it doesn’t always have to be a two-way street and I just have overly high expectations of some people in my life, specifically those who I consider to be within my inner circle.

All I really know for certain is that when trust is broken, sorry means nothing.

24 replies

  1. Plenty of valid thoughts and questions. If we can learn to observe what influences people, especially those we “know”, a different picture may emerge. It’s a process of patience….quietly observing, in the absence of any preconceived notions about the essence of a person. It’s very difficult for an individual to hide her or his “true self”. Facial expressions, chosen words, body language, frustration or judgmental triggers, biases, ad infinitum. It isn’t that the “tells” of a person aren’t there, we just choose skip over them, intentionally or not.

    • I agree with you Rob, it’s definitely a process of patience and we do sometimes choose to overlook certain qualities about people because it’s easier to just assume the best in people. I’ll definitely be more cautious in the future though, thanks for your comment I appreciate it.

  2. Ahh, my sympathies. That’s happened to me many times. I used to wish we could tattoo a warning on some people. I don’t think you can prevent it, if you’re going to be around people, at some point they’re going to disappoint you. Love is risky and it often hurts, even in friendships.

    I like this poem, I think it was Mother Teresa who said:
    “People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway. Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway.”

    • Thanks for sharing that poem, I definitely needed to hear that! I’m trying to remember that throughout this experience I have done absolutely nothing wrong and so I shouldn’t start doubting myself or considering changing as a person. Regardless of how much some people may hurt you, you should always ‘give the world the best you have’, because being a considerate and kind person will only enhance your sense of self and make YOU feel good, so why change? There are plenty of good people out there who will appreciate you just the way you are. Thanks for stopping by.

  3. You are blessed to have people that you can count on.

    Give the best of you to others always; with no motive other than it feels good to your soul to do so.

    Mommy was fussing at me about my bf at that time. She was busy telling me that I should have known better than to trust him. I replied, “We can only go by who a person presents to us, it does not mean we know them.” “No more than you know me Mommy.” “You do not live with me, you merely know what I present to you when we hang out.”

    She turned white as a ghost.

    • Absolutely agree with you there, I appreciate the people who I’ve been able to lean on and vent to over the past week, SO much more now. I’ve always known hypothetically that they’d be there for me in the worst of times, but the fact that they’ve been calling and texting and trying to cheer me up ever since I told them what happened,has made me eternally grateful to them. I just hope that I can return the favour one day. As bad as these experiences may feel at the time, they really do let you know who you can count on when it comes down to it, so I guess something positive did manage to come out of this situation.
      And lol you managed to successfully shock your mum then! Thanks for stopping by Kajahie 🙂

  4. It is said: “First mistrust a person and then trust him”. Well I don’t follow this paradigm. The best way to know a person is by trusting him. I trust people and at the same time I spend some time knowing the “true self” inside them. Adopting a negative mindset will yield nothing. Be careful, flexible and confident because you’ve gone through such shit. Take Care.

    • Thanks to my closest friends and my sister, I think I’m on the way to reaching a more positive mindset now. I definitely needed some time to let it all sink in and wallow in the misery of the situation though and it’ll be a while before I’m completely over it. Ultimately however, I know that I’m a good person and it’s taught me to try as hard as I can to remain the same and just be more wary in the future of the possibility that people are not always how they may seem. And I shouldn’t automatically give people the benefit of the doubt if my gut feeling is a bit dodgy.Thanks for commenting Kabir, I appreciate it.

  5. Don’t Worry. Even I have faced these situations. Just think that they don’t deserve your love and be thankful atleast by now you came to know about them. Drop them and move forward. Hope you will get well soon.

    • I know, it’s sad that most people have probably been through situations like this before, I wouldn’t wish the way I’ve felt over the past week on my worst enemy! And yes I agree with you, at least I got to see their true colours sooner rather than later when it would’ve hurt so much more. Thanks for commenting, I’m slowly but surely trying to get past it but I think the biggest help will be time and of course my best friends 🙂

  6. Such situations make a person strong. Life is a journey which is not easy, and such episodes make you wiser. But this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust anyone. There are no black n white people (thinking wise) out there, majority are grey ones.

    • You’re right Palka, I think my initial reaction was a bit hasty. I thought that the best thing to do was to close off and doubt everyones’ motives, but that was wrong of me. When I stopped and thought logically for moment, I realised that I should instead be grateful to have a loyal support-network of people who genuinely care about me, so if anything I’ve learnt to appreciate them a lot more and focus on them rather than those who have let me down. I know that I’m a strong person and I will definitely not allow this experience to bring me down in any way. Thanks for stopping by.

  7. Have you considered the possibility that one of or both the persons may have been in a situation that made them ‘let you down’?

    It is possible to ‘expect nothing from no one’, and ‘truly be happy living that way’. ‘Expect nothing from no one’ does not mean not expecting anything, it only means expecting less than 100%.

    • It was entirely their choice to do what they did, so no I can’t excuse their behaviour at all unfortunately. I’m usually the type of person who tries to see the bigger picture and understand all points of views before I come to any conclusions, but I tried and failed to do that, because in this situation they’re completely in the wrong and they’ve both fully acknowledged that. It’s a sad situation to be in when you’ve been betrayed in such a way, but there’s really no sense in dwelling so I’d like to focus on the people who add to my life instead of those who have wrecked it. And as much as I would like to say that I will try to expect less from people in the future, I don’t think that I’ll be able to stick to that. Perhaps when it comes to people who I don’t know very well, I’ll be able to implement that mindset, but when it comes to my closest family and friends, like most people I’ll always expect near enough 100% loyalty and honesty from them, that’s just the way that it is. Thanks for commenting and sharing your opinion.

  8. Sorry for what you’ve experienced. People are brilliant, beautiful, complicated beings. My father always said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” Learn from it and move along, not bitter, but better.

    • Thanks for your comment, I’m at that point where I’m telling myself constantly not to be bitter and to let this affect me in a negative way, but to treat it as a life lesson and come out stronger than before. I appreciate you taking the time to share such wise words 🙂

  9. I think the only person u can truly 100% trust is God. People aren’t perfect. Everybody has their faults, believe me, I know. My father and sister and aunt and ex husband let me down and only God was the one I could depend on in that point of time. Even now He’s still helping me through. The only thing I can say is, just pray that you will be able to fully forgive and move on. It takes time but being upset with ppl only hurts you. However, it doesn’t mean you guys can’t come to some kind of mutual understanding.

    • It’s true, people aren’t perfect and I know that we all act as though we know that, but the annoying thing is that it still hurts so much and we’re always shocked when they do let us down. I know that with time I’ll be able to forgive and move on (when it comes to the forgetting part I’m not so sure though). I just wish that I could put some kind of time-frame on how long it’ll take for me to get past it fully. Until then I think the best thing for me to do is to focus on the positive things in my life and put the negatives to one side for a while because I’d like to think that the worst of it is now over! Thanks for sharing your thoughts Tiera, I really appreciate it 🙂

      • No problem. Love conquers all. And I’m guessing that because they hurt you deeply, they were close in relationship with you. The love you have for them will make you want to get passed it after a while but do know that sometimes things are presented to you for a reason… I have learned that not everyone is supposed to be close to me. Especially since I found God. He will take away the weeds. Sometimes, it teaches them a lesson about being better people. You will move on and things will get better. God bless you 😉

  10. I actually did miss your posts!!
    What you have experienced, believe me most of us do (not that your pain or that nauseating feeling gets any less by this). I have no idea why does this happen. Why people we tend to trust the most, are the ones who betray it. And, definitely it isn’t possible to not expect anything from anyone, not for me at least. Even if you decide on it, you cannot stand true to that as time passes (one of the fatalities of being human). From the last whole year, I have been experiencing this pain. Haven’t been able to get over it. Nothing whatsoever helps. But yes, something that helps is my mother’s assurance. When she says things will be alright, I do believe it.
    For you, that can be anyone. Even an anonymous friend like me ;). But “Small Town Girl”; believe me the puzzle you have right now, will be solved soon. You will emerge victorious. You will be the princess you are. And, who knows this broken trust and betrayal we all experience is for our own good. Better today than tomorrow. I hope this firm belief of mine stays with you;

    “Within infinite myths lies the eternal truth,
    Who sees it all?
    Varuna, who has but a thousand eyes,
    Indra a hundred,
    You and I only two.”

    • You’re lucky that you have your mother’s assurance and I’m thankful to have my close friends and sister to reassure me when I’ve been at my lowest points recently. I really appreciate your comment and I’m grateful to have such a wise anonymous friend! I feel as though you really do understand what I’m going through and I do hope that you’re right about me emerging victorious from all of this. Thanks for your comment and once I’m back to my usual self, I’ll make sure not to leave it so long between writing posts! Take care.

  11. Look at the irony of things. While trying to be a smart ass I describe myself as the anonymous friend, whereas my name is wholly written above the comment. Lol. You can call me Ronak.
    And there is nothing wise about what I said,
    Because these are the situations I totally dread.
    And this sadness is also a part of you being usual,
    After all, you are human; Dear Small Town Girl. 🙂

    Hope now you smiling mate!!!

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