People say that it’s impossible to drive a vehicle in the central headquarters of the city of London,
But try being a mere street walker,
I guarantee you’ll be met with an equal share of hardships.
Thus, I propose that every native Londoner, commuter and tourist follow my three tips to obtain their unofficial pedestrian’s license and thereby successfully survive a day in the City.
NUMBER ONE, speed is key!
Whether or not you are in a hurry you must always maintain a constant Usain Bolt pace, regardless of age or weight.
This tip MUST be observed!
NUMBER TWO, after watching the Olympics last Summer, we are all familiar with hurdles.
On the streets of London these hurdles are recognisable as prams, rollable suitcases and women in high high heels…
These diversions are ever present and EVER on the move so LOOK and DODGE my friend!
And lastly, NUMBER THREE, always observe and maintain the direction of the flow of pedestrian traffic.
DO NOT attempt to be an anomaly charging south down Bond Street when the rest of the crowd is northward bound.
Because, dear reader, and I mean this in the sincerest way possible, you WILL be swallowed up by the blur of black and grey briefcases.
So heed my advice oh grasshopper, or it will be ‘game over’ for you my friend!