Just A Small Town Girl…

If you’re familiar with my blog, you’ll know that my tagline since I entered the world of blogging back in 2013 has always given a nod to my E.W.S. – Excessive Writing Syndrome. 

Since I learnt how to write, I’ve always found myself scribbling down random sentences, concocting stories and poems, or just ranting! I genuinely believed that this was just part of who I was, that my E.W.S. was INCURABLE.

But it turns out, there IS a cure for E.W.S: having a baby! 

In the seven and a half months that my son has been in this world, I have written precisely one blog post (well two including this one – which I’m currently writing as my son naps on my chest). For the first few months after his birth, I had no desire whatsoever to write anything. 

Sleep was nonexistent, breastfeeding was a complete and utter mindscrew, I had no idea how to adjust to my ghastly, deflated, post C-section belly and my hormones were all over the show. And then to top it all off, I had this tiny little nocturnal mini-me who hated the world and demanded milk every 45 minutes. So to put it simply, writing was off the cards. 

Fast forward half a year and I’m in a much better place. We’re still not sleeping through the night but we have a routine and as I’ve come to learn, routines are what it’s all about. I’ve mastered the art of breastfeeding, how to get him to stop is my next challenge! All of my old clothes fit again and while I’m still not the biggest fan of my new tummy, I’m s-l-o-w-l-y learning to come to terms with it and be grateful, rather than repulsed. Hormones still like to wreak havoc around that time of the month, which occurs without any notice these days, so I just have to stay prepared (oh joy). 

But like I said, I’m in a much better place as of lately and so I’ve had a strong desire to start writing again. The question has been what exactly to write about after such a life changing experience?!

Having mentally and physically changed so much post-baby, I feel like it’s only natural that my content will also be different now, in order to reflect the ‘new me’. 

Who that ‘new me’ is, I have no clue; that’s one thing I’m still trying to figure out. To be brutally honest with you, as much as I’ve been around babies my entire life and have always envisioned myself having ten kids of my own, actually popping one out myself was a complete shock to the system. 

I fell in love with my little bundle of joy instantly, but I also lost all of my confidence and essentially my identity. I didn’t feel like Sharan anymore. 

Sharan was a writer who travelled the world with her friends. She was independent, sarcastic and always ready to do something daring. This new face I saw when I looked in the mirror after having my son was not that girl. All I could see was a mum; who didn’t have the time or mental capacity to even think about any of those things that used to define her. She was too busy being up to her neck in soiled nappies and wet bibs; just trying to get through each day without having a mental breakdown. 

Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t miraculously re-discovered myself yet, I’m still pretty lost to tell you the truth. But the sleep routine we’ve scrapped together is slowly but surely helping me get there. I feel like less of a zombie and more of a functional human being, most days now. And I genuinely believe that my potential to be creative again is not far from the horizon. 

So please join me on my journey to discovering myself again. I’m hoping that by regularly blogging and getting my thoughts and feelings out there, I can maybe help someone else out there who’s feeling the same. And then in due course, hopefully I can get my mojo back too and become Small Town Girl 2.0. Wish me luck dear Reader!